I Am So Glad I Didn't Think of That!

February 21, 2013 by UndercoverL | 24 Comments

Today’s daily prompt was to write about an invention we would uninvent if we could.  I don’t want to use brain cells to think of something serious and make a solid explanation for what it would be.  So instead, I found a bunch of the dumbest inventions I have ever seen.  I needed the laugh because today has been a rough one.  I hope you enjoy these as much as I do.

Let’s start out our list with one of my favorite ways to utilize my time: sleeping.  Sometimes, though, I get into a fight with my husband.  Historically, one of us would sleep on the sofa, but now that we are both older and neither of us can get off the sofa, we just share the bed.  (It’s a California King, so we have enough room to create a perimeter.)  But occasionally, I will roll over at night, seeking a cuddle, and then startle myself awake with the realization that: oh yeah!  I am supposed to be mad at him!  Then I will recoil, roll into a ball, and go back to bed.  With this first invention, I need not ever be looking for nighttime love in all the wrong places.

Because you don’t speak (or read) this language, I will tell you what it says:  ”Now in Scented Variety!”  Over the blue it says: “Bartender- smells like drink!” Over the pink: “Beach Bum- smells like coconut.”  Over the beige: “Farm Hand- smells like farm animals!”  Who’s crying now?

It even comes in different colors to match the decor of your room, or the shirt your husband doesn’t own.

My husband and I usually lay our differences aside and harmony is once again restored to our home.  However, sometimes the fights get bad enough that my husband is in need of a little TLC like only a wife who is a mommy can give.  He needs a lap to lie in.  But I can’t just spend my day kneeling on the floor and being a human pillow.  Not only do I have to do daily things like going to the bathroom, changing diapers, and doing the school run, I also have old person knees that tend to freeze when held at such an angle for long periods of time.  For those times when I cannot dedicate long periods of time to being a comfort to my husband, I bought an excellent stand-in.

During “that time of the month,” I can tuck a used sanitary napkin up the skirt for authenticity. That is so gross. Sorry.

On nights when our fights have been particularly bad, we don’t get much sleep.  My poor husband has to catch up on winks while on the train commuting to work.  Nothing wakes you up from an impromptu commute nap like jolts and constantly-relaxing neck muscles.  To avoid unpleasant whiplash, we found this!  I must declare that while this particular model does protect you from debris falling during an earthquake or other passengers, it does not always stay on your head.  We petitioned for a model with a chin strap.  Sorry, I don’t have a picture of it.

The sign comes with it. It says: I do not have (write in disease here). I am not dead. Just sleeping.

Just like every storm must pass, so must our fights.  We like to end our fights with romantic picnics in the park on sunny days.  But you know what the problem with picnics is?  Hauling all that crap around!  Back packs are so…. so…. so normal.  Rather than putting a picnic blanket in a basket and carrying it, we found this nifty invention.  (The girl sitting cross-legged is levitating.  My pants don’t make me levitate, so I am pretty sure I got duped into buying a hot knock-off.)

I suppose these can double for after-yoga-in-the-park-polish-sausage-snacks too! I wish they’d make the Basket Pants companion, for all our dining needs.

I am not sure if the Picnic Pants show VPL, but one thing I know will definitely show panty lines are these!  Say NO to commando!

Wave goodbye to skid-marks with these bad boys!

What do you think?  Take this poll:

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Photo credits: Fried Brain, Warm Cuddle, Lap Nap, Sleeping Helmet, Picnic Pants, Handerpants,