It is going to be a long day. I could tell when I woke up three minutes before my alarm went off that my only defense today would be to get violently ill and stay in bed for the entire day. But tomorrow is WTF Friday, so I am going to hold off on details. (Lemme tell ya’, this morning gave me enough trouble to write the entire installment tomorrow without tapping into the notes I’ve been keeping all week.) Rather than telling you about the stellar morning so far (the day, at this point, is only four hours old), I am going to write about something that I am incredibly familiar with. Any ideas what it is?
It’s motherhood! I’ve spoken about my children several times. I’ve lamented about the woes associated with being a lowly SAHM. But no dead horse deserves to be beaten as severely as this one. Amirite, mamas? Just when you think there is nothing else that you could make a statement about when it comes to parenthood, your kids happen. Again. So, without any more of my long-winded blabbing, my post today:
Being a mother is like…
- Running a race with your shoe laces tied together.
- Going grocery shopping with a gimpiest, squeakiest, crookedest cart in the city.
- Being an actual zombie… a Mombie.
- Baking cookies for the IRS.
- Accidentally flushing your phone down the toilet.
- Being a superhero with magic kisses, healing hugs, and soothing hands.
- Being the smartest person in the world.
- Being perpetually stuck in kindergarten.
- Sounding like a broken record.
- Listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks on a CD that skips.
- Being the ringmaster in a circus full of pillows and ferrets.
- Refereeing the world’s longest boxing match.
- Being a cat’s scratching post.
- Feeling like your head has been turned into a toasted marshmallow.
- Walking through the desert with one bottle of water, giving it to your child when they say they are thirsty, and getting back a bottle filled with floaties and backwash.
- Fight club.
- Brushing your teeth with a toothbrush and then realizing it was last used to scrub scum off the back of the sink.
- Rushing through the house to get the morning done and realizing you put on two similar, but not matching, shoes when you finally get to where you are headed.
- Realizing that your child is truly better than the brat in his class.
- Stealthily sneaking into your kids rooms when they are asleep to whisper you love them and make sure they are real.
- Finding notes of encouragement on what promises to be a horrid day of hair-pulling frustration. Who wouldn’t want to see this while cleaning up yet another mess she didn’t make?
What is motherhood (or fatherhood) like for you?
Grocery cart- laist.com
Alvin and the Chipmunks- http://www.comicvine.com