It is with humility (and some regret) that I say this: I was endowed with an immense capacity for recollection. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I have an astoundingly or abnormally great capacity to remember things, but I think I have more than my fair share. Well, perhaps I ought to qualify that just a smidge more. I have a talent for remembering things that are absolutely useless in real life. If I could exchange one memory for another, here is what I would swap…
1) I would give up: Words to songs; especially if I hate the song. (“Suit & Tie” is the very bane of my existence.)
For: Mathematical formulas and calculations. If I knew a few more of these, I would probably have a real job by now, rather than ‘just being a SAHM.’
2) I would give up: The names of every woman my father has been accused of having an affair with. (A bunch of innocent people.)
For: The name of the child I am meant to be yelling at. (A bunch of innocent people.)
3) I would give up: Knowing the price of every single gift my sister has given me (she ‘accidentally’ leaves the tags on).
For: Remembering to balance my checkbook before another charge goes through.
4) I would give up: Knowing that the average black ant lives 12 years.
For: Knowing how to keep a plant alive.
5) I would give up: Knowing how much a gallon of milk cost three months ago.
For: Knowing what the hell a fiscal cliff is.
6) I would give up: Knowing how illegal immigrants often use the same social security number by alternating last names in order to get tax refunds they don’t exactly deserve from the IRS.
For: Remembering how to make a task list and stick to it until it is done.
7) I would give up: Remembering my phone number from when I was 5 years old.
For: Remembering my current phone number.
8) I would give up: Remembering how my best friend totally ditched me when I was a junior in high school.
For: Remembering how to make friends.
9) I would give up: Remembering the last time I had a migraine.
For: Remembering the last time I shaved my legs.
10) I would give up: Remembering the last time I had onion rings (ever seen the movie The Bridemaids?)
For: Remembering what it’s like to eat out without kids.