WTF Friday: Volume 5

December 28, 2012 by UndercoverL | 20 Comments

We survived Christmas (and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Ramadan and the Apocalypse)!  Look at us go!  For some, the holidays are a constant WTF-fest, especially for those who have to spend the holidays with their families.  I don’t know about you, but I thank my lucky stars that I grew up enough to tell my family that I no longer needed– or wanted– to come home for the holidays.  I managed to avoid spending time with anyone I didn’t want to this Christmas.  But that doesn’t mean that my holidays went WTF-less.

1)  My husband and I happen to like watching TV shows meant for teenage girls.  We like 90210 and recently, when Big Rich Texas and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills went on holiday hiatus, we were introduced to Gossip Girl.  Now I understand that the series just ended for good, but we decided to pick it up from it’s 2007 inception.  There is one thing that I couldn’t help but notice as a recurring theme on the shows done by CW and that is underage drinking.

Photo courtesy of The CW

Now, perhaps I led a sheltered life, but when I was in high school, I didn’t even know that a martini could be made with gin or vodka.  I certainly didn’t know that I would prefer it to be a Cosmopolitan with Grey Goose.  So WTF is up with spoiled-rotten teenage girls waltzing up to the bar and ordering their mixer of choice without any need to show ID?  I get ID’d in the grocery store, wrinkles, baggy eyes, screaming children and all.  (One cashier even had the nerve to ask my age, not just ask for my ID.  Bitch.)  And just what message are we sending to girls by showing their “contemporaries” ordering drinks that only taste good compared to lima beans?  Perhaps these shows are meant for the mature types (anyone old enough to drink legally), but even then, we don’t really appreciate it, do we?  Am I the only one who wonders “WTF” about this?  Take this poll.

So, CW, WTF?

2)  About 8 years ago, I took a stand for my family, my kids, and myself regarding Christmas.  Every year, all four of us kids would load our children and all of their gifts into our cars and make a pilgrimage to my parents’ house to celebrate Christmas.  We would spend Christmas Eve night at their house (sleeping on any area of floor that was not covered in gifts) and Santa would visit all 6 grandchildren.  (Parents being “Santa.”)  Well, the year I had my second son, I realized that this tradition was nothing short of a pissing match between my older sisters about whose children had the bigger gift pile.  Not only was I the poorest of the siblings, I am also not one to compete nor am I one who believes in spoiling children.  My children would, inevitably, have a diminutive pile of gifts and would wonder why Santa loves them less.  (Was I bad this year, mommy?)  I would explain that I had asked Santa to give some of the toys meant for my children to other children who had less toys.  I managed to skirt the issue, but I developed a resentment toward my sisters for their clear lack of decorum at Christmas.  At about that time, I told my parents that I would no longer allow my children, my family, or myself to be in that situation.  From now on, my parents could visit us, but I would no longer be attending Christmas at their house.  Now my entire family thinks I am stuck up because I have seen them for Christmas twice in the last 7 years.  WTF is up with Christmas rivalries?

Photo courtesy of groudworkstheater.blogspot.com.

3)  This year, my husband started a new job.  He is a CFO for a company and he is grossly underpaid for what he does.  He has been promised several large pay increases, which never seem to happen, and a holiday bonus that equals more than half of his yearly income.  Now, I would be foolish to expect him to bring home the $50K bonus he was promised, but I did expect a significant bonus because he has increased the revenue for the company by four times what it was last year and has pulled this company out of the fire caused by auditors.  He has managed to clean up the act of most of the employees and closed the deal on a huge PO that will net the company $12 million a year for the next 7 years.  He deserves something, and heaven knows we could use a break.  He got his bonus last week.  It was $250, so minus taxes it was roughly $145.  That is about .05% of the bonus he was promised.  So, this is directly to his shoddy CEO who can’t keep his word: WTF is up with your Scroogish little bonus?  I think my husband will be strongly encouraged to find a new job and you can roll that check into a little straw and…

My husband (a salaried employee and company ‘executive’) had to work on Saturday so he could take Christmas Eve off. Photo courtesy of someecards.com

4)  I hate watching TV during the holidays.  I really hate TV on the best of days, but it is especially bad during the holidays because of all the bleeding heart ads that we are bombarded with.  In particular, I hate the Sarah MacLachlan ads about abused pets.  Now, before you get on the horn to the ASPCA or PETA, I have to tell you that I am not all about animal cruelty.  I hate it when anything is victimized, especially animals, the elderly, and children.  But I hate the fact that I feel guilty just for watching the commercials and not sending in a dime to help these animals.  (I don’t have animals because a) I hate cats, b) I am allergic and c) I don’t need another thing to raise right now.  I would be a bad pet owner at this point in my life.  Hell, I am a bad mother at this point in my life.)  But, you see, I am still trying to figure out how to steal my husband’s debit cards (all five of them) and change all the passwords on the checking account so that I have enough money to pay my electric bill.  I do not have an extra $3 a day to go get myself a damned coffee and peace of mind, let alone get someone else’s dog out of the puppy slammer.

This dog is actually crying at me. Good gracious. Photo courtesy (?) of aspca.org.

The ante on hating these commercials got to a fever pitch today when my five year-old son was hooked into watching one.  It was the bleeding heart music that caught him.  He watched, his face a mixture of horror and pathos, while he listened to the tale of “Rocky, who was left under a garbage can” and “Patches, whose mother was stuffed in a pillow case and hung from a tree.”  With his beautiful hazel eyes brimming with tears, he looked at me and said “Mommy, can’t we help them?”  Ever the snarky one, I replied, “Sure, let’s sell your new Skylander game on Craigslist and we’ll send them that money.”  <<end conversation>>

I am going to make one of those commercials, too.  I am sure someone can spot me a sofa (doesn’t have to be new, as long as the previous owners didn’t have pets, kids, or smoking in the house) so that my front room doesn’t resemble a poorly-outfitted yoga/dance studio.  I am also needing a new sofa in my family room because my ass has worn a hole in the cushion.  (Note to self:  Maybe if I move to the other end of the sofa, my whole outlook on life would change.  I know my perspective in this house would change.)  Anyone have an idea for bleeding heart music I can use (for cheap, I can’t afford to pay for rights)?  First-world problems, indeed.  I am such a bitch.

Well, I don’t make any money on anything, period. But this is still true. My husband will pay for the alcohol. Photo courtesy of someecards.com.

5)  I don’t need another reason to hate myself in 2013, so my one and only New Year’s Resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions for 2013.  I don’t even think I can keep this one.  For some reason I am absolutely addicted to making goals that I don’t finish, writing lists that don’t get completed, beginning journals that don’t get written, and making plans that I avoid keeping.  I have quit more things than I have finished.  I probably wouldn’t have even completed any of my pregnancies if nature didn’t have a stronger will power than I do.

But my own problems aside, why do people make resolutions?  Does anyone ever keep these resolutions?  Do you have resolutions?  What are they?  As far as I am concerned, resolutions totally deserve a big WTF??!!

If you see anything this week that makes you think (or actually say) ‘WTF?’ this week, let me know in the commentary below.  I will feature it next week and send my 13 readers over to your blog.  Have a fun weekend, folks!

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For more WTF-ery, check out:

WTF Friday: Volume 1

WTF Friday: Volume 2

WTF Friday: Volume 3

WTF Friday: Volume 4